Life is not easy. Yeah, it sounds dreadful, but it is not. It is part of the beauty of life the fact that it is not easy. But, even not being a easy thing, it does not need to be a burden.
Although there is no formula, no secret that makes life lighter, I have found a principle that helped me having a lighter life. It may not work for you, but it works pretty nice for me. It is the No and Fuckoff Philosophy. Let’s look at it in parts.
The No
Your time is pretty limited. Your day have only 24 hours. And you have a lot to do in your day. Saying no is pretty important in order to avoid you get an overload of things to do. Also, you don’t need to accept everything from everyone. If you are looking for acceptance, the bad news: nobody cares about you. Well, that is a very heavy phrase. Actually, only the ones that love you do care about you. But this is a very small group.
Although it may sound simple, saying no is quite hard. It tooks me years of therapy and a lot of thinking to start saying no. As social beings, we need to be part of a group. Also, we need to be accepted in that group. That’s why, in my opinion, it is quite hard to say no.
After learning this important thing, I was able to get back to my guitar lessons, got time to spend with my family and, still, keep a good productivity in my professional activities. You don’t need to carry the weight of the World. Do what you can, with the tools that you have, the best way it is possible to be done.
The Fuckoff
That’s where things get interesting: learn to say fuckoff. Yeah, it is rude, but it is incredibly powerful. It is about choosing the fights you can fight. There is a interesting fact of the Universe: you have control over a few things. Most of time, you don’t have control. For all things that you can’t change, i.e., you don’t have control, just say fuckoff, it is not my problem.
You must have in mind that lots of problems you just can’t solve because they are beyond your reach. That is the kind of thing that you will only spend energy and time and will not be able to change the outcome.
In this realm you will find people in need that do not want to be helped. And you just can’t control it. You will find people that doesn’t want to change their way of doing things and you just can’t do anything to change it.
The fuckoff is a way to just don’t care about problems you can’t solve by yourself because they are beyond your control. It is a way to choose your fights, the fights you can fight. Not all fights are for you. You are limited, you have a line that you just can’t cross called your limitation.
The fuckoff is also a way to not create expectations: give without wanting something back, share without wanting someone else to share with you. It is about dettachment, not being attached to things. Someone hit your car and you are okay, without a scratch? Fuckoff! It is a headache, but you are able to get a new car, not a new you.
Live lighter
I hope these small principles can help you somehow. It helped me having a lighter, happier life. It worked for me. However, these are not the truth. It may not work for you. The best is to check on it, adapt it to yourself, or even not use it at all. The important is to have a lighter, happier life. If you get in there, that’s what matters.
Bonus: Talk through your actions
This is related to this “philosophy”: talk your principles through your actions, not through your words. Words are meaningless. They can be hollow, empty. Actions, on the other side, have real consequences, for the good or for the bad.
The important is not to be afraid of making mistakes. A mistake happens because you need to learn something you didn’t know before. It is a lesson to be taken. If you don’t want to make mistakes, just don’t do anything. But, don’t complain if your life is stuck.
Make good actions and good things come back to you. Make bad action, only bad things come back.